Casting Notice

Now I've been known to search the casting notices and as we all know, there are some weird postings. But I think I've finally found one that fits me to a T. Eh?

VELCRO - Gabe's monkey. Gentle, monkey, well-trained. Must be able to obey simple commands.


I was born for this role.

-Leslie

Weather or blood pouring from my nether regions...

I am so tired lately and I think it's a combination of the weather rapidly changing from hot to cold, my hectic schedule and the curse of women. Yknow. Aunt Flow. Or maybe it's just Olympic Malaise.

I'm so sick of the Olympics and I wish Al, Katie and Matt would all get their asses back to New York so I could stop being so confused by the Today show. This past week, Al and Matt got in spandex bodytards, laid on top of each other and luged down a tunnel of ice. If the track didn't look so damn much like a fallopian tube, I would swear those two guys were ggggay.

Did anyone else notice that Katie Couric looks like she has no pupils anymore? I'm pretty sure she's satan.

-Leslie

The big question...

Ok, here's the big question: How come Bernie doesn't deteriorate? How come his flesh doesn't rot away, ESPECIALLY after he gets swept into the ocean and pummelled by the waves? I mean, ok, I'll give it to you that a dead man can stay fresh for like, what, 2 days tops? But after he's been in the salt-water, even for just an hour or so. It seems like that's gotta speed things up a bit. And also being dragged around, kept in the sun, the salty air...And when he does start to smell, they just put cologne on him? I mean, I know a few old guys who smell they are slowly rotting from the inside but the operative word here is SLOWLY and INSIDE. Bernie is FASTLY rotting from EVERYWHERE!

Also I wonder what his junk looks like. Does it fall off?

-Leslie

ps-I am of course referring to Weekend At Bernie's. Number 1 only.

pps-also, how does he have sex with that girl with the terrible accent?

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!!

Here is something to note: Katie Couric hasn't been a "regular" on the Today show for almost a year, by my count. Slowly but surely usurping her position is Alexis Glick with her secret little double smile. Who amongst us cannot imagine the day when Alexis comes up behind Katie with a candlestick and bashes her over the head with it a la "Clue?" But something to remember--Alexis is the underdog. She is hardly mentioned AT ALL on the Today Show website save for "...reported by Alexis Glick." No bio, no nothing.
Alexis is "Jan" to Katie's "Marsha." She's "Donald Duck" to Katie's "Bugs Bunny." Hell, she's not even "Garth" to Katie's "Wayne," she's more like that guy in WW1 with the camera who says, "Do I scare you? Do you want me to?"

Poor poor Alexis...

-Leslie

Sex in the City...

Only replace "sex" with "phlegm" and "city" with "throat." Is something going around and do I have it now?

I am going to Italy, specifically Rome, on Friday and I haven't prepared at all. Here's what I think I will do. On the plane ride, I will pop in my two unopened pristine "Learning Italian!" CDs that I got weeks ago, eat some ambien and become comatose. Then, when I wake up, I'll be fluent in Italian! But here's the problem:
What if I don't become fluent in Italian, I only become proficient BUT I lose all of my ability to speak English? I would have to speak in broken Italian the rest of my life!

That'll be hell for sketches...

-Leslie

What a fun and magical ride...

It's a sad day for me folks. I had to make a difficult decision this week, and the result is my quitting Cubicle. It's been an interesting trip, full of laughter and tears and child molesting robots, but when I know i can no longer put forth the proper effort that this team deserves, I must bow out gracefully. These guys have taught me a lot about myself, about comedy, and about the inner workings of the United Nations, and for that they will eternally be in my heart. I will miss you guys. I hope one day we can work together again, for i see our paths crossing on a red carpet somewhere in the not too distant future. And I just wish Cubicle everything they deserve. Keep 'em laughing.
Nick

Upcoming shows...and racism!

Anyone who reads between the lines just a little bit can tell that the Today show is RAMPANT with sex and racism. Today, Alexis actually introduced a bit like this: "Wonder why Japanese women are so skinny and never age? We'll show you!" I think that the writers actually believe that Japanese women have some mystical power that they derive from the antioxidants in tea and actually never ever age. Well I'm here to say that they DO! I've seen old old Japanese women a lot...And not just in brothels but EVERYWHERE!!!
God, I'm beginning to sound like a today show writer.

The Time of Your Life Super Platinum Extended Director's Commentary Edition!
THIS SATURDAY, November 12th, 9:30 PM
The PIT, 154 W. 29th Street, $8
212-563-7488

and

NEXT SATURDAY, November 19th, 9:30 PM
The PIT, 154 W. 29th Street, $8
212-563-7488


And the website has been updated! Kinda!

www.cubicleimprov.com
-Leslie